Fiction.

“Hey, 7-11 guy.” I picked a beer at random. “You’re always going to sell Red Stripe for virtually nothing.”

“There was an inventory problem, and we do sell Red Stripe for virtually nothing.”

My powers just keep growing, I see. Let’s try something harder, but not too hard: Amelia will try to do me. Wait, what? Why the fuck would I want that? She has a smaller cup size than a little league baseball player.

That’s when my phone rang. “Come on Virginia, don’t make me wait. You catholic girls start much too late.”

“Lite Brite,” I answered, being sure to pretend not to give a shit, because honestly, I don’t.

She was tough to hear, breathing heavily. “James. You need to steal a car and get your ass over here.” Steal a car? On it.

“Look, I can hear how hot and bothered you are, and I understand. But I was just screwing around. You don’t actually want to do me.” I need to backpedal fast. James does not need a whole brood of Jamelias running around, setting things on fire and bending each other’s minds.

“Shut! Up! They’re headed east, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep up. Meet me at Grace and Robinson.”

“Sure thing! Don’t get your training bra tangled.”

Amelia was even more of a sweaty mess than before when I caught up to her in my appropriated pink Beetle.

“They’re headed east! I like your daisy.”

I threw the damned thing out the window as I accellerated. “Fuck off. I didn’t have time to wait for a Camaro.”

“No, I’m serious. This is a good color for you, James.”

“I’m serious, too, LB. I’m going to punch you in a boob, if I can find one. Hang on, this’ll be faster on Monument.”

General Lee, RIP, looked alive in the flickering lights of the car fires. So cars DO burst into flame if they crash. I always thought that was just in movies.

“Do you think I should get back on Grace?” I asked.

Amelia, though, was already pointing. “There they are!”

Car fires flared, and the spotlights pointed at the Lee Monument shined brighter. There on the grass, on his knees, was Kaiser. The dozy bastard looked about to fall asleep. Well, let’s see how powerful I’ve gotten. I concentrated on coffee, Coke, tea, chocolate, and Ritalin.

The Bug’s skid was still hanging in the humid air. Kaiser shook his head, then looked at Lauren even harder than he typically does. “Kaiser! Forget Lauren! Grab the bum!” I shouted.

But he had already opened a panel under the General’s horse and disappeared inside, dragging Diana by the hair.